How To Annoy Osama Bin Laden:

Tell him all about your great vacation to Saudi Arabia, where you went absolutely everywhere and did everything, just stomped all over the place.

Use his satellite phone to call the time and weather line in Buenos Aires and leave it off the hook.

Tell him how much less you paid for your kalashnikov rifle.

Now that you know the address of his secret cave hideout, fill out magazine subscription cards for him for the Wine Spectator and Penthouse. But don’t under any circumstances, send him Popular Mechanics.

Order him ten Domino’s pizzas with extra ham topping.

Ask whether the Taliban gets cable, because you haven’t seen “Sex and the city” for weeks.

Correct him when he ends a sentence with a preposition.

Yank the end of his turban really hard to make him spin around like a top.

Switch all the CD’s in the jewel boxes in his CD collection, so that when he reaches for Michael Bolton, he’ll actually get the Mohammad Rafi.

Mine his bathroom.

Leave business cards for the Israeli Mossad in his Rolodex.

Take Pictures of all his wives and post them on

Ask him if he wears boxers or briefs. Check. Take pictures. Again, post these on 😉